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Questions to ask your partner

The problem with "let us talk more" is that nobody knows what to talk about. A question solves that in one line, and a good one gives the other person permission to say something they would not have raised on their own.

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What makes a question worth asking

Specificity. "What is your favourite food" produces a word. "What is your comfort food at two in the morning" produces a story about a particular night, which is what you were actually after.

Almost any dead question can be revived by adding one constraint. Not "what do you like about me" but "what is something about me you would never change, even if I asked you to". The constraint is what forces a real answer instead of a polite one.

Every question here has been through that filter. If it only produces agreement, it did not ship.

How to use them

You do not need a special occasion. These work best in the ordinary gaps — the drive home, the hour after dinner, the part of the evening where you would otherwise both be on your phones.

Ask one, and then do the harder thing: do not answer it yourself straight away. Let the silence sit for a moment. Most interesting answers arrive second, after the first tidy one has been given and dismissed.

Skip anything that does not suit the mood. The skip is built into the game deliberately — knowing you can pass is what makes people willing to attempt the bolder cards.

Choosing the depth

The intensity slider goes from gentle to bold, and the categories change the subject rather than the temperature. Romantic is warmth and appreciation. Deep is the harder material — things people rarely say out loud. Compatibility is about how you actually want to live, which is quieter but often the most useful.

Start gentler than you think you need to. A conversation that warms up beats one that opens too hot and makes someone defensive for the next ten minutes.

20 truth questions

  1. 1.What's the first thing you noticed about me?
  2. 2.What's a small thing I do that you'd miss if I stopped?
  3. 3.When did you first think this might be serious?
  4. 4.What's something about me you'd never change, even if I asked?
  5. 5.What did you want to be at ten, and what happened to that plan?
  6. 6.What's something you're proud of that you never talk about?
  7. 7.When did you last change your mind about something that mattered?
  8. 8.What do you avoid doing that you know is completely irrational?
  9. 9.What's something you'd redo, knowing it would turn out the same?
  10. 10.What are you good at that never comes up?
  11. 11.Who shaped how you think, and have you ever told them?
  12. 12.What's a compliment you received that you still think about?
  13. 13.What's a date we've already had that you'd repeat every year?
  14. 14.What's something you've wanted us to try but never actually suggested?
  15. 15.Which of our nights in beats most nights out, and what makes it work?
  16. 16.What small thing turns an ordinary evening at home into a proper date?
  17. 17.Where do you want to be living in ten years, and what's it near?
  18. 18.How do you actually want to be treated on a day you're in a bad mood?
  19. 19.What's something you've changed your mind about in the last two years?
  20. 20.When something goes wrong, do you want fixing or listening first?

15 dares

  1. 21.Give a thirty-second speech about why they're great. No stopping.
  2. 22.Describe our relationship in three words, then defend each one.
  3. 23.Send them a voice note saying exactly what you're thinking right now.
  4. 24.Give them a two-minute shoulder massage. No talking.
  5. 25.Tell someone here one specific thing you admire about them.
  6. 26.Describe the version of yourself you're working towards, out loud.
  7. 27.Say something you've been meaning to say to someone in this room.
  8. 28.Open your camera roll, find a photo from a night you loved, and explain it.
  9. 29.Write the two-line invitation you'd use to ask me out for the first time.
  10. 30.Say one thing you'd want agreed before moving in with anyone.
  11. 31.Describe your whole day to me as if I had been there for all of it.
  12. 32.Play the song that's been reminding you of me and say nothing until it ends.
  13. 33.Say the thing you were going to save for later. Now.
  14. 34.Describe me to a stranger in three sentences, out loud, as if I were not here.
  15. 35.Find the oldest photo of us on your phone and say what you remember.

Play with the full set

These are a sample. The game has the rest — no signup needed.

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Common questions

How many questions should we do in one sitting?

Fewer than you expect. Six good ones with real answers beats thirty skimmed. The round lengths are there so you can stop while it is still enjoyable rather than grinding to the end of a set.

What if a question makes things tense?

Skip it and say why, or do not say why — either is fine. The pass rule exists precisely so that no single card can turn an evening. Tension usually means the question was right but the timing was not.

Do these work for a new relationship?

Yes, at a lower intensity. Early on, the icebreaker and funny sets do more for you than the deep ones — you are still establishing that talking to each other is enjoyable, which has to come first.

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